Help Someone Through
a Quarterlife Crisis
The term, "quarterlife crisis" was coined in 1997 by Abby Wilner. Similar to a mid-life crisis, the quarter life crisis afflicts twenty-somethings when they hit life after college and the real world leaves them feeling isolated, dissatisfied, and lost. Internal and external expectations about who they should be and what they should do with their lives leads to anxiety, depression, and other disorders as a result.
Instructions
1. Be there. Most people suffering from a quarterlife crisis feel isolated, disconnected, and overwhelmed. Being present and willing to listen without judgment is the greatest gift you can give.
2. Reach out. There are plenty of resources you can use to educate yourself on the quarterlife crisis and share with your friend or loved one. This will help you know what to do (and what NOT to do) to help.
3. Connect them to the present. Talking to a twenty-something suffering from a quarterlife crisis can be like talking to a) a brick wall, or b) a jack russell terrier on speed. Being wound so tightly pulls them out of the moment and increases their anxiety. Gently bring the conversation back to positive, present-moment topics. When in doubt, reach for the sensory. The clouds, the sunset, the smell of fresh-cut grass, great coffee, children laughing-all of these things help somebody in a quarterlife crisis to refocus his thoughts.
4. Remind her often to let go of perfection. She has a terrible case of "the shoulds" and feels lost but determined not to let it show. The expectations of parents, peers, and society makes her feel like she needs to be perfect to reach the life goals she set out to achieve before they left high school. If she is on a "negativity bender," have the guts to say so. Often, all it takes is a "Hey, stop being so hard on yourself. You're doing just fine," to bring them back to stasis.
5. Be supportive without being intrusive. The key to helping anybody is compassion and patience. Realize that you cannot change anybody but can influence everybody around you for better or worse. Lead by example. Your best bet is to be his personal pep rally, not his drill sergeant.
6. Find professional help. We all need a little extra help sometimes, and this may just be her time. An unbiased third party with professional training is usually the best answer to helping somebody cope with a crisis.
7. Point him in the right direction. Ask him if he would like you to check into quarterlife crisis resources. If he agrees, call around and look for support groups and counselors, or check the Web for virtual QLC communities and blogs. Share what you've found. If he doesn't do anything at first, let it go. Remind him in a few weeks, and if he is still reluctant to get help, go back to step one.
Tags: quarterlife crisis, from quarterlife, from quarterlife crisis, Help Someone, Help Someone Through, Someone Through, Someone Through Quarterlife