Truly listening helps improve your relationships.
The cornerstone of successful relationships is communication. However, too often, people focus on speaking their minds and having their voices heard. Someone has to do the talking, but listening well is a much more rare skill. That's because active listening is a process requiring a little more thought. However, communication is a continuous process involving subtle cues -- not a "your turn, my turn" game.
Instructions
1. Talk less, and listen more. Simply put, if you're dominating the conversation, the person you're talking to is not being heard by you.
2. Notice the body language of the person you're talking to. If she appears bored, or if her eyes are glazing over or looking in other directions, it might be time to let her speak. Likewise, pay attention to your own body language. Having good body language is important to let the speaker know that you are interested. If you are slouching in your chair, arms crossed, and staring off into the distance with an open mouth, this sends a message of complete boredom. Try to keep eye contact more than half of the time. This can be uncomfortable at first, and will take practice. Try not to fidget, play with your hair, or play with your fingernails, for example. These are common signs of discomfort and boredom. Be attentive, lean forward when appropriate, and have an open body position signifying that you are receptive to the conversation. Nodding your head occasionally also lets the speaker know you understood a certain point.
3. Don't text on your cellphone while the other person is talking. This may seem obvious, but so many people do it. Keep your phone in your pocket out of respect for the other person. Even when you are just hanging out with a person, if he is texting all the time, it can be hurtful. It sends the message that he would rather be chatting with others than spending time with you.
4. Empathize with the person. This involves trying to view that person's situation from her point of view, not yours. This doesn't mean you have to agree with everything she's saying, but it means you respect the person's feelings and viewpoint.
5. Keep an open mind. Reign in those preconceived notions that you may have about another person. This is especially important when the other person is talking about a subject on which you strongly disagree, or when someone is criticizing you.
6. Limit distractions. TV or radio noise, traffic, and other people can all interfere with the speaker's message and how you interpret it. Distractions don't always have to be external, however. They can be internal issues like feeling hungry or worrying about other problems. Take a deep breath, tune out all the distractions, and focus in on what the other person is saying.
7. Keep track of main ideas. You've probably talked with someone who feels the need to elaborate on every detail. Don't get lost in the muddle -- instead, try to be on top of the conversation by recognizing the key ideas of the speaker.
8. Listen to understand, not to be understood. You may have had an idea or experience that you are very excited to share with someone and when you finally do, he immediately steals the stage, relating it to something he's experienced. You are now flustered and try to steal the stage back, then both of you jockey for the front position and no one listens to anyone. Instead of really digesting what someone is saying, you are just waiting for an opening so you can talk. This type of a conversation is not beneficial to anyone involved and it develops bad habits.
9. Encourage the speaker. This tool works best when you are sincere. Ask questions that are relevant to the conversation and at the same time clarify hazy ideas. For example, if someone tells you, "Man, work was rough today!" a good response may simply be, "Oh really? What do you mean?" Then he's free to talk about his day.
Tags: other person, person talking, body language, other person talking, person This, play with, play with your